Tuesday, March 11, 2008

iSaratoga Exclusive: Spitzer won’t resign

Folks, you heard it here first: embattled Gov. Eliot Spitzer will remain in office for the duration of his four-year term. That’s according to an anonymous source claiming to have no particular relationship with the governor or his family, but who once served a top Spitzer aide a cup of coffee late one night in a Long Island-area Dunkin’ Donuts.

“He’s really quite resolute about staying,” reported the source, declining to discuss the type or quality of coffee he served to the aide. “After all, who doesn’t bang a hooker every now and then?”

For those of you who might have taken a few too many over-the-counter cold pills with lunch Monday, iSaratoga’s soon-to-be award-winning community blogging singlehandedly blew the lid off of the most sensational political sex scandal to hit the press since Bill Clinton’s unlit cigar found the wrong bodily orifice of a young intern. While some media outlets are erroneously reporting the New York Times as the source of the infamous Emperors Club VIP story, it was a snide, off-the-cuff comment by iSaratoga’s lead pundit that prompted the story to break.

In other news, iSaratoga has adopted the aptly dubbed “Times Union Philosophy,” in which this site will now arbitrarily lay claim to and ‘exclusivize’ any stories determined to be super sensational. The TU demonstrated this philosophy Tuesday morning, when the Albany paper fantastically claimed the Hookergate scandal was a manifestation dredged up by their own, gritty investigative reporting.

“The allegations, first reported on the New York Times Web page, came to light after a reporter from the Times Union began asking questions last week about Spitzer's use of a state airplane for a trip from Buffalo to Washington, D.C. on Feb. 13,” the reporter brazenly claims. “The paper then made a formal request for the records of Spitzer's Washington, D.C., trip.”

There’s certainly some truth to the paper’s “formal request.” But the Times Union no more prompted the federal investigation into Spitzer’s alleged malfeasance than did the pimple-faced coffee geek pumping a steady infusion of caffeine into the ongoing media frenzy outside the governor’s office. In fact, the New York Times account directly contradicts the TU’s theory. In a follow up story, the paper claims the whole affair was launched after a routine inquiry by the Internal Revenue Service into suspicious cash transactions. Alas, the Times mentions nothing about state airplane use, a subject which the Times Union seems quite fixated upon.

But when the big kid from down the block drops into your party and kicks over your sandcastle, its best to tell friends you punted the creation yourself. Then, maybe all the other kids will think you’re tough. This is especially the case for the TU, which enjoyed an unusually close bond with the now deeply troubled Spitzer administration; having a scandal like this soar right beneath their radar is quite damning.

Conversely, Hookergate may well have saved another seriously ailing newspaper. The New York Times was just a few steps away from joining its ubersensational neighbors in the Big Apple. The Times’ Web site was so inundated with hits Monday that the page often took minutes to load. Even the slack-jawed cable news nitwits couldn’t dream up anything better to film than flat-screen monitors tapped into the paper’s online site. In one instant, the New York Times restored much of the luster to its tarnished reputation.’

Were it opposite day, Spitzer would be equally contented in wake of the scandal. Instead, the Steamroller is facing a decision most pundits –especially one space cake-eating nimrod at FOX News –have already made for him. However, the pundits at iSaratoga are less convinced, especially given the anonymous tip from a Spitzer Administration outsider.

Let’s look at it this way: you’re flying a plane that suddenly goes into a death spin toward the earth. Do you give up and just let the thing crash, or do you grab the controls and try to pull out one of the most daring landings in the history of aviation? In Spitzer’s case, he’s got another 33 months to right the flight path and pull a miracle out of his ass.

After all, the governor has hit rock-bottom. There’s really nowhere to go but up. And if up is no longer an option, then it is Spitzer’s obligation to make the story as sensational as possible. Right now, his scandal is singlehandedly spiking newspaper sales, driving media Web hits and arguably creating more online chatter than any scandal in the history of the Internet. Simply put, Hookergate is moving the economy in previously flat-lined sectors.

Sure, the state and national Democrats won’t like it if the Pimp of Wall Street continues to strut. In fact, they’ll probably have him assassinated, which will again move newspaper sales in the right direction.

The flap could also be a nice way to dove tail into a discussion about legalized prostitution, a veritable cash cow waiting to be milked by state legislators. Were they to remove the thin veil masking the so-called “escort services” and massage parlors (i.e. the neighborhood ‘rub and tug’), legislators could have a tax revenue windfall to literally correct a failing budget. The Pataki Administration’s legacy to debauchery was legalizing gambling, so it would only be fitting if the Spitzer Administration’s legacy is legalizing hookers. Just think what a red light district could do for a rust-belt city like Amsterdam.

21 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't say it's a Democratic foible, but Bill and Elliot have the same crotch trouble. Too bad he screwed us for 15 months before his last $%^&.

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a life-long Republican in Saratoga could anyone explain what Jim Tedisco is doing? The guy is "jumping the shark." Just sit back and watch the train wreck don't be part of it. Next up: is Hugh Farley dead or alive?

3:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spitzer should have just come to Rhode Island where prostitution is legal... as long as the mutual agreement takes place indoors.

Mr. Spitzer, while you're on your way down, would you mind answering a very simple question? Why didn't any of the short sellers who placed large volume put options on Morgan Stanley, United Airways and American Airlines before a certain day in September ever get tracked down and prosecuted? You were the Attorney General at the time, right?

Just wondering.

3:36 PM  
Blogger A small "r" republican for fairness said...

Ho:

Sorry to disagree with you, but my gut inclination is that Governor Spitzer is T-O-A-S-T.

His popularity wasn't exactly soaring after Troopergate and the illegal alien drivers license flop. (And I, like many Repubs voted for him, so I guess I share in the blame for his downfall, and how it will affect the state of New York.)

I just don't see how he could govern after this. For anyone else, the crime wouldn't be nearly as damning, but for someone who has cultivated as many enemies as he has, with his sanctimonious attitude, and let's be honest here, downright arrogance, it is a death knell.

Should he beat the odds, and remain in office, I surmise that our state government will be deadlocked to say the least-unable to conduct even the simplest affairs required to run our state.

Let's hope that David Patterson has the chops for the job. It would be a great opportunity for him personally. With virtually no expectations for a successful gubernatorial nod, he could surprise many and cast himself as a bridge builder between the Senate Republicans and the Assembly Dems.

I'm sure that Joe Bruno is still laughing his balls off....

8:08 PM  
Blogger Horatio Alger said...

small "r,"

I made my 'prediction' with tongue firmly planted in cheek. I, like many others, believe the plug has already been pulled on the Spitzer administration, especially seeing as though his own aides were seen bawling before Monday's press briefing. The gov is simply making sure his pension is intact and that he won't serve time in jail. Once that's assured(which it will be), he'll face the music. My "exclusive" was more to poke fun at the TU.

See, it's tough for me to take seriously these scandals, when all politicians are inherently scandalous. Notice, Hollywood Joe has been very limited in his criticism of Spitzer, unlike his counterpart in the Assembly. I think there's a good reason for this that will probably never make the press.

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's nice to see that others have also noticed the lack of response from Joe Bruno during this scandal. Why has he kept so mum at this time, when it would seem natural for him to be gloating?

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These guys(Tedisco,Bruno and Spitzer) all need to go! We are tired of self righteous power mongers and primadonna's in the government. Each one of these guys have skeleton's in their closet. Possibly, worse than what Spitzer did. Bruno is still being investigated and something tells me he had something to do with this to get the heat off himself.

4:04 AM  
Anonymous Uncle Smoove said...

True Ho, but Uncle Joe has to be praying that the Guv slugs it out. Gives him a real focus for the Senate Campaign. Much harder to run against a blind black man from a distinguished family.

The wild card in all this is the impact on troopergate. Without the power of the governorship, some of the rats are bound to start scurrying off the ship

4:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is a tragedy. That in 2008 the sexuality temperance league including our own public media falls victim to a draconian approach to this breaking news story.

If this had been a Republican, it would have been seen as a badge of courage. The documented “hushed" homosexual prostitution ring that included not only Reagan and Bush administration officials but military officers, congressional aides and U.S. and foreign businessmen with close social ties to Washington's political elite was no different, except of course this “executive service” involved adult women only.

The Mann act is the technical bullet that will be used to reduce the operation of a well-known escort service to the images of abusive and underage prostitution. Perhaps a good reason why our Senators are quiet on this is because this service had more than one “number 9” patron – the others no doubt crossing partisan lines. No one wants to look at the rest of the list.

I’m not so quick and righteous to pass judgement nor would I be willing to diminish the sense of betrayal and trust experienced within the Governor’s own family, but suggesting that this “egregious” crime has anything to do with the rest of us to any great extent except other than as fodder for political assassination is naïve and 19th century.

He will resign. And the rest will continue to download their diversions from the web or withdraw their own erotica from the Public Library book tapes or volumes for their own private titillation – comfortably living in their own worlds of acceptable conformity.

5:04 AM  
Blogger shotinthedark said...

Spitzer should probably go.
I know what goes around comes around.
But still, you can't help but to feel sorry for the poor bastard.
Only in this fucked up country could something like this happen.
This would be a non-event anywhere else in the world. It wouldn't even make the news.
In fact, up until 40 or so years ago it wouldn't have made the news in this country.
We've become a Nation of Holy Rollers.
It's obvious that Spitzers's wife is okay with his shenanigans. From what is being reported she doesn't want him to relinquish power.
My guess is she is one of those ladies who doesn't like to do the "nasty" anymore and has given her blessing to Elliot to seek it off premises.
In a way, it makes sense to pay prostitutes instead of finding a girlfriend.
I imagine using a prostitute lessens the chance of any emotional attachments and thus there would be less of a chance to jeopardize the marriage and the family.
And at 4300 hundred a pop, it’s probably also cheaper than having a girlfriend.

Part of me wishes that he toughs it out and stays.
But it would probably be better for the State if he goes.

From what I am learning about this Patterson fellow, we may have lucked out. He appears to be quite capable and well liked.

7:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another look at the Governor and the Prostitution Ring.

Let’s examine the crime. Prostitution most often implies promiscuous sexual activity by a woman for money while a prostitution ring suggests corrupt immoral activity involving abusive domination over employees providing sexual services. Accordingly, male prostitutes are generally assumed homosexual, female heterosexual.

The “ring” in this story is The Emperor’s Club V.I.P., a private business club, legally posted on the Web whose membership is numbered and not underage.

An escort has been traditionally defined as a man who accompanies a woman on a date and an escort service, more broadly provides professional dates for both men and women. It is widely understood that a date is a social engagement between two people that has a romantic character. Yet we know that romance has no basis in fact; it is imaginary and generally conducive for lovemaking.

It is fair to ask are these public or private issues? Has the public been betrayed by these private arrangements? Has the law been broken?

In 1910, Congress passed the Mann Act reflecting the progressive thinking of enforcing moral codes (precursor to a moral plurality) to enable Americans to become more productive and wholesome. Prohibition was not far behind. It became a federal crime to transport individuals under the age of 18 across state lines to engage in any sexual activity. This legislation now also applies to an adult taking a consensual minor to another state. Has the Mann act been violated in New York?

We should all consider if moral hypocrisy shouldn’t constitute an even greater outrage? Take the Senator that lied to his party and constituents about the life Americans should lead versus the one he himself leads. He took a stand against gay rights, demanded a President's impeachment for seeking oral sex in the privacy of a public place and then gets arrested for a lifestyle for which he persecuted others?

So we continue to become outraged over wardrobe malfunctions or the latest “Howard Stern” commentary or in this case, an ironic and tragic private affair that has become very public -- listening to partisan bulldogs preaching holier than thou rhetoric.

So as we Americans, continue to buy our way out of costly point accumulating speeding tickets, have our attorneys plea bargain our crimes, punish manufacturer’s for their large carbon imprints as we buy and pretend to recycle their merchandise, we must remember that we have accepted that there is nothing morally wrong in absolute hypocrisy?

8:07 AM  
Blogger scoop said...

Who would ever think a strange piece of ass would go this far?

Now if we could just get the FBI to take down Joey "The Chin" Bruno.

And I have no jokes about us being led by a blind guy, it just might work.

9:04 AM  
Blogger BlueDog said...

The real story here should be watch out for big brother!

Spitzer spends $4300 and this is a reason for a Suspicious Activity Report to be filed by his bank!?!!?? The guy's worth millions and this is the level of scrutiny. Wire taps follow. Is this FUBAR or what?? Nazi Germany?
Soviet KGB? The US government?

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TU Exclusive: The sun WILL come up tomorrow...
TU Exclusive: Joe Bruno will never die..
I can't wait to see how Rex Smith explains this on his blog.
First he has the "exclusive" that his paper is taking credit for and then he has a coverup about Siena Coach Fran McCaffey and the TU Sports Editor almost coming to blows on Saturday. Note how the TU never touched that one, but two local TV stations put it out there for broadcast.
It's nice to see the 800-lb. gorilla get its ass kicked once in a while.

Coming soon...Client9.blogspot.com

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

boy does this article show how misguided you are. Way to make up your stories loser

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

amazing how its everyone elses fault for the idiots weaknesses. keep up the good work of blamming everyone else for your white knights infedeleties. your reasons for blaming bruno for spitzers sins shows why you idiot carpet baggers have ruined our city, and why we wish you would crawl back up that dark soily hole and go back down state where you can peep into elliots dirty little perverted world.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Horatio Alger said...

3:56,

"boy does this article show how misguided you are. Way to make up your stories loser."

Obviously, wit and sarcasm aren't your strong points. Neither is reading between the lines. Keep watching the cable news networks. That seems more up your ally. You know, 'fair and balanced.'

8:07,

Moral outrage indeed. It's about understanding the world we live in is not and never has been perfect. Why the hell do you think the church came up with the confession booth? Otherwise, we would have stoned the human race right out of existence. Puritanical America has always been sort of a conundrum that has baffled anyone who's done even a moderate walkabout through the countries of this world.

The less tongue-in-cheek segment of this entry regards the legalization of prostitution. Like marijuana, it makes little sense in outlawing something that commands such a high demand. It's better to regulate it so that the black market is quashed and the practice itself becomes markedly safer. I hate to keep referring to the Dutch, but they seem to have a fairly happy medium with the legalization of both prostitution and marijuana. And they've managed to turn both into one of the world's largest tourist attractions. Now that's innovation.

6:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why can't Spitzer Pardon Himself since he's still technically the Gov until Monday?

7:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bluedog is right.

This has the earmarks of a political hit, once you become more familiar with the "investigation". This man made a lot of enemies (bad politics) and had a miserable first year (another political disaster), ultimately victimized by an undercover operation, which had already made its case.

Falling on his sword instead of challenging the issue was no doubt politically choreographed so as not to effect the other struggling political camp.

All said, you could all sleep better tonight for our phone tapping has captured another terrorist.

And, lest not forget to thank those like Senator Craig voting in the Senate to continue unrestrained wire taps.

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The selfish bully city council member should take notice. No one likes arrogant lawyers!

3:33 PM  
Blogger shotinthedark said...

Today's KOS

by Compound F
Sat Mar 15, 2008 at 06:19:10 PM PDT

"Greg Palast says that Eliot Spitzer was burned over the sub-prime crisis, citing the coincidence of Spitzer’s WaPo Op-Ed on the crisis and the revelation about Spitzer’s involvement with hookers. Spitzer’s WaPo article names Bush as a co-conspirator in predatory lending:"

I think Bluedog is going to be proven correct. When the story is finally told, you will probably see President Chickenhawk Bush, Vice President Coward Cheney, or some of their skanky pals behind Spitzer's downfall.
Of course, Spitzer is still pretty fucking stupid for getting caught with a 22 year old whore.

7:02 PM  

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