Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas wishes

The wassail is reaching a simmer and the city is festooned with cheer, which means there’s time for one last Christmas wish list ’fore jolly Saint Nick dashes across the stratosphere.

What would the holidays be without crayon-scrolled lists to the fat guy up north, who, for the last few centuries or so, has found it continually fashionable to wear a blaring red suit and laugh as though he’s dipped one goblet to many in the eggnog. Santa, if you’re listening, these are some of the folks who might have been a bit too modest to relay to you what they secretly hope to find beneath the tree during these Yule tidings.

Barbara Lombardo - A husband from this century. While the managing editor of the city’s most esteemed fish wrap hasn’t ever written a bad word about husband Joe, her most recent clap trap piece about nothing relays some astonishing revelations about her betrothed, who appears to be living somewhere in 1950s America. Apparently, Joe refuses to go food shopping for Casa Lombardo and hasn’t set foot in a supermarket in decades. And from Lombardo’s previous column exploitations of her family, the gist is that Joe is the quintessential provider of the home, while Babs is the chore-doing housewife. All in all, it’s a sad commentary when the Saratogian’s top executive doubles as a homemaker.

George Pataki - A clue. As King George and his corrupt reign in office dwindles to a close, it’s astonishing that he maintains aspirations for the White House. Aside from the fact that no self-respecting bible-belt conservative would ever pick a Yankee for the presidential ticket, Pataki would have a very difficult time wining the Republican nomination in his own state, much less New York itself if he did. While Governor Protractor’s tenure wasn’t all bad, his legacy is far from one that has propelled the presidential aspirations of his predecessors.

Sonny Bonacio - A sweet deal on the Broadway parking lot. So what the land hasn’t been appraised in decades. And so what a building of similar stature across the street and built in 2000 is now valued at more than $2.5 million. Cut Sonny a break. After all, he does need to bulldoze a whole parking lot that is ready to fall in on itself. Were the city to approve a sale of the lot for the reported $700,000, it would be a very Merry Christmas at the Bonacio compound.

Jack Kelley - A town that will buy 3 million gallons of water. When the city’s government was gutted in 2005, so was the county’s problematic plan to tap the PCB-laden Hudson. Now, Schenectady County is offering to supply AMD’s Luther Forest with a pipeline of water from their brimming aquifer. Kelley, the executive vice president of the Saratoga Economic Development Corp., maintains AMD is “married” to the plan to tap the Hudson. Sure they are, Jack. Married in a Britney Spears-Kevin Federline sort of way right?

Valerie Keehn - A new issue to throw herself behind and not under. After railroading through the referendum vote to change the city government, the Spa City’s mayor planted her flag firmly into some muddy ground. As it turns out, city residents weren’t necessarily ready to flip the switch on a new government. True, Keehn and the appointed Charter Review Commission did just about everything they could to get the word out, save for standing on top of City Hall with a bullhorn and announcing the damn changes. But drastic changes in government seldom happen overnight without a good amount of bloodshed. Keehn, in a recent letter published in Saratoga Today, offered a sort of apologia for her support of the changes, along with a laundry list of her other accomplishments during year one. Perhaps it’s because she’s just days away from an election year and her only solid issue just went up in smoke.

Erin Dreyer - A giant industrial-sized spotlight. After spending year in the headlines, the former deputy public safety commissioner was politely ushered to the door and given a firm kick in the ass through it. And as quickly as the Dreyer Affair touched down, it all but disappeared from the headlines. But apparently, Dreyer got a good taste of the limelight --even if it was for a sleazy sex scandal --and is doing her best to step back into it. Some how she feels “the truth” will come out if the city fights the harassment civil suit top-cop Ed Moore filed against her and former Public Safety Commissioner Tom Curley. Truth, yeah that’s the ticket. Truth is, it’s almost always cheaper to settle than to take a case to trial. In the case of Dreyer, there’s a stack of grand jury testimony that all-but states she aimed to harass Moore out of office so lover boy Dan Noeker could assume the chiefdom. So perhaps if Dreyer had a spotlight to place in her backyard to bask in occasionally, then maybe then she’d finally stop meddling in city affairs and let this ugly saga be put to rest.

Finally for the rest of us, a happy holiday with a good amount of wassail and a side of liberally spiced eggnog. Be safe, be merry and keep looking skyward for that obese bearded man whipping the tar out of those flying reindeer.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the Godfather of Soul from heaven reminding all the good people of Saratoga to make it funky in 2007. If it wasn't for the musical cats and artists that contributed to the Spa City...you wouldn't be shit except a gambling town with Disneyland overtones.

--James Brown

P.S. Gerald Ford agrees.

3:17 PM  

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