Pressing matters

Most factory showroom models of the prototypical New York politician include a hyper-inflated sense of self-importance as a standard option. This self-importance is so common, in fact, it’s difficult to get a politician churned out of the partisan assembly line without the belief that their presence is infinitely more valuable than any other working-class stiff walking on the street.

Prime examples of this are the free-range jerk-offs milling about the state Capitol, each plucked out of some Democrat or Republican hatchery, given a tacky tie or pant suit and set loose on mission to see how large they can grow their egos before, during and after general elections. Even better are the local politicos, who act with a sense of personal elevation simply because they’re running for a part-time job that carries a vote on a small city’s governing body. And what better way to showoff one’s self importance than by calling so-called press conference.

Even the term “press conference” sounds important. The term “press” suggests some sense of immediacy and urgency, where as “conference” elicits the idea that droves of people might attend from miles around just to hear this Sermon on the Mount. At one point, politicians called press conferences because an important message needed to get out to a lot of people and the much less sophisticated press release just wouldn’t do. But over the years, the idea that a message needed importance to justify such a conference evaporated and the practice itself became a sort of second serving delivered after the press release, just to ensure full saturation.

This was never more evident in the Spa City over the past year, as the latest band of clowns makes and attempt to wrest control from the gang of jesters now claiming to serve the people. Residents had hardly sobered up from their New Year’s debauchery when the first press conference of the 2007 election was called to City Hall. With less than 11 short months left before the polls opened, Gordon Boyd wanted to make sure voters knew he was running for office.

Four months later, he was joined by incumbent Mayor Valerie Keehn, who toted a gaggle of cameras and pen jockeys into a rainy Congress Park to announce her re-election –even though a simple phone call would have done. As the spring wore into summer, so did the mounting number of city press conferences. Accounts Commissioner John Franck called one to announce the property assessment of the city’s most ostentatious home. Keehn called one to show off a ludicrous novelty check signifying the state’s VLT revenues and another to ensure her name would be thrown into the mix when the city’s waterfront park partially opened.

Then in August, Republican mayoral candidate Scott Johnson jumped head-first into the press conference circuit. He called a meeting of the minds just to announce his support for the New York Racing Association, even though he lacked even a tacit connection to the organization or legislative body deciding its fate.

But lately, the press conference extravaganza has hit furious pace. Keehn called one with Public Safety lapdog Ron Kim and Police Chief Ed Moore to call Boyd a big Karl Rove-hugging jerk. Then after a solid thrashing in the primaries, Boyd convened one to label Keehn a Fulani-loving cult follower; an accusation to which the mayor responded by saying she was too busy attending a dead kid’s press conference to deal with anything coming out of any other city press conference.

This month, the conference extravaganza has moved on to the Public Works race. Despite being essentially a retired city worker and holding no official office or title, Skip Scirocco has been averaging a little better than one press conference a week. There was a press conference to announce his CESEA endorsement and then one to announce his deputy, an appointment usually made long after the election and absent any fan fare. Sitting Public Works fixture Tom McTygue felt it necessary to hold his own press conference to show his workers still backed him, as well as one to defend allegations made in the press following Scirocco’s other press conferences.

Yes folks, these are important people; so important that it’s a wonder the city doesn’t invest in rose pedals to throw before their footsteps. These are also individuals far too lofty for simply explaining themselves or their intentions without some sort of grandiose three-ring circus. And the saddest part is that the more brutally fickle branches of the media seem to eat this tripe up by the plate full. On a side note, it should be mentioned that the news agency most often toted along on these ridiculous press conferences also happens to be the one that quite candidly admitted to literally printing yesterday’s news today.